Based on research from more than 10,000 surveys from children and parents of divorce, Collateral Damage presents parents with an overview of the impact that divorce has on their children and offers ways to better serve their needs at this critical time.
Approximately fifty percent of marriages in the United State fail. Add to that the increasing number of couples who never marry, have children together, and later go their separate ways. In all of these scenarios, children suffer greatly—often in silence, as parents do not know how to effectively guide their kids. When the sorrow and emotional issues of children are not addressed, the cycle of divorce is likely to continue for them and in generations that follow. In addition, while children may appear to be resilient and adjusting, without proper support children of divorce are more prone to drug and alcohol abuse, criminal behavior, mental and physical illness, and suicide. How can parents manage their own hurt, shock, anger, and despair so that they can provide their children with what they need?
Collateral Damage sounds a wakeup call for parents. It identifies the landmines inherent in the dangerous terrain of divorce and equips them to help their children not to feel abandoned or unheard. Topics covered include:
- Building the family—not losing it
- Tuning into your kids
- Stabilizing childhood
- Maintaining parent/child roles
- Avoiding the parenting handoff
- Keeping kids out of the war zone
- Instilling trust
- Keeping open lines of communication
- Attuning to guiding, spiritual resources
The failure of a marriage does not mean the end of the family. Providing a stable, supportive, healthy relationship with your child demonstrates what a loving relationship looks like, better preparing them for intimate relationships and marriage as an adult.
John Chirban, Ph.D, Th.D., is a part-time lecturer in psychology at Harvard Medical School and director of Cambridge Counseling Associates. He is the author of Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child Through the Minefield of Divorce (Harper Collins) to be released in January, 2017.
Dr. Chirban earned his first doctorate in interdisciplinary studies in medicine, psychology, and religion at Harvard University and earned his second doctorate from the University Professors Program at Boston University in oral history and clinical psychology. Having completed a post doctorate program in Behavioral Medicine at The Cambridge Hospital, he is also a licensed psychologist in Massachusetts and California and a Guardian ad litem in Massachusetts. In 2003, he was named 40th Anniversary Senior Fellow at the Center for the Study of World Religions at Harvard University and is also a member of the Society of Sex Therapy and Research (SSTAR).
Dr. Chirban is an original member of the Advisory Board for the Dr. Phil Show and professor of psychology emeritus at Hellenic College. Author of numerous academic articles, his recent books include: Collateral Damage: Guiding and Protecting Your Child Through the Minefield of Divorce (Harper Collins, 2017); How to Talk With Your Kids About Sex (Thomas Nelson Publisher, 2012); Holistic Healing in Byzantium (Holy Cross Press, 2010); What’s Love Got to Do with IT—Talking with Your Kids About Sex (Thomas Nelson Publisher, 2007); and True Coming of Age – A Dynamic Process that Leads to Emotional Well-Being, Spiritual Growth, and Meaningful Relationships (McGraw-Hill, 2004).
Dr. Chirban divides his time between teaching, research, and private practice in psychotherapy. A special area of interest for Dr. Chirban concerns problems in relationships and sexual health. At the Cambridge Health Alliance, he offers seminars and conducts supervision, concerning sexuality, sexual dysfunction, and spirituality in context of psychotherapy. His current research projects include an examination of the philosophy and religion of B. F. Skinner, drawing upon his collaborative interviews with Dr. Skinner spanning 20 years and The Divorce Handbook: Essentials for Sustaining Your Children. Dr. Chirban lives in Carlisle, Massachusetts with his three children: Alexis Georgia, Anthony Thomas, and Ariana Maria.